The end. New beginning

I wish I could say that I am excited for this new beginning.  I am excited professionally although I am upset that I am leaving Cruz three days a week to work.  It will be good to get out of the house.  It will be nice to get dressed in something other than Nike shorts or Lululemon yoga pants.  I just can't help to think of what I will be missing.  I truly think that this is good timing however.  Cruz wears me out these days.  He loves to be active.  My house looks like a tornado has hit it every night around bedtime.  Some nights I straighten up and other nights I leave it alone.  I am exhausted.  This week I've had a long list of stuff to do so enjoying my time with Cruz (each moment) has been hard.  I want to cross off all the stuff I need to do so I am not bothered by it once I start working.  

1. Blood test for Cruz
2. Car - oil change, breaks, inspection …
3. Fill out all paper work for Cruz's school
4. Kayden's b-day stuff
5. Laundry
6. Pay bills
7. Student loan stuff
8. Anne's wedding/ bachelorette stuff
and the list goes on and on …

Fortunately I've crossed off a lot although going to the park, zoo, Bouncin Bears etc hasn't happened this week.  I'm just taking it one day at a time in order to get through with these tasks.

Although I am dwelling on the fact that I am going back to work I have to sit back and realize that I am lucky.  Many moms never get to take time off work to see their baby grow.  Although hard on our house financially I truly have to say that I am lucky to be given this opportunity and to also find a job where I can work part-time until I'm ready to transition into full-time.  God is looking out for me (us).

I am happy that I was given the chance to see my baby grow into this wild, adventurous, curious, active, outgoing, funny, silly, and loving toddler!  I went from not knowing how to breastfeed or change a diaper before having Cruz to being able to nurse my baby boy to sleep or comfort at 14 months.  Although I will ween him from this we/ I am  not ready yet.  Tonight during our stories I started to cry.  I have had these moments over the last week where I reflect on these moments and know that they are moments in time that I'll never get back.  I am blessed for them.  I am lucky to be a mom.  I have been fortunate to be a Stay At Home Mom for the last 14 months.

Prior to being a mom I defined myself as a …
runner
fashion
into wine
loves good music and concerts
loves traveling

Now I define myself as a ….
mom (and a step mom)
wife
friend
sister
daughter
(not in any particular order)

Not that I didn't know this before but I have realized that family is what life is all about.  I still love those things that defined me before having a baby I just see things a little differently.

Cruz has slept through the night over the last week +.  He has matured a lot in the last couple of months.  I remember being consumed by sleep or the lack of sleep when Cruz was younger.  Sure I'm tired but it's a different tired.  I'm getting sleep now.  The favorite things about my day are walking into Cruz's room first thing in the morning and turning on the lights and saying "Good morning baby!".  I love nap times too.  Bath time is fun when he enjoys it.  He's beginning to really like brushing his teeth.  The teepee is still one of his favorite toys.  He gets a kick out of me going in there with him.  He loves his loveys/ blankets.  I bought a new one for his school to try to get him to like that too.  He doesn't mind it but I'm sure if you put both of his blankets next to each other he will choose the camo one.  He loves going to Chickfila and going to the toddler play area.  He eats a ton of chicken nuggets.  Yogurt is a fav as well.  He likes to feed me.  I'll take those sliming hands any day!  He loves drinking out of a straw.  He can't get enough of the basketball.  He still loves Elmo and Cookie Monster.  Brielle is his BFF.  This next phase is scary for me as a mom and as a person in general.  I know Cruz will do just fine.  I'm just going to miss my little buddy!  He amazes me every day.  Several of my friends have told me they are pregnant over the last year.  I get so EXCITED because THIS is the best experience of my life.  I love being a mommy!  I love being Cruz's mommy!

I will always dance with you

Tonight I spun Cruz around and around. I was dizzy but his laugh and smile was priceless. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life!

New milestone

2 nights in a row sleeping without needing mommy!  Good job babe!  Less than 1 week shy of his 14 month bday too! Yey! 

Cuddles

I'm in denial that sooner rather than later our morning naps will be replaced. I am sad that I am going back to work due to finances and not because I want to. I do like working but I love my life at home with Cruz. I have my moments. It's not easy but I truly will miss our time together. I worry about every little thing now. Am I making the right decision?  I have Cruz in my arms now. He's asleep. I already miss this. 

A means to an end ...

As of today 4-16-14 I am finished with my part-time work from home gig at Francesca's. It's bittersweet. I enjoyed the extra money (it came in handy) and I enjoyed how it took my mind off SAHM duties. Make this house spick and span? Can't. I'm analyzing store's performance. It also allowed me to stay connected to my job and my friends at work. Due to some unforeseen circumstances over the last few months this part-time gig has been truly needed which is ultimately forcing me to look at going back to work full - time. Although I know Cruz will do just fine I am having a hard time with it. These days with him are becoming something I treasure so much because soon we won't have these days together anymore. I don't know what the future hold long-term but for right now I have to go back to work.

Currently it's 3:52 p.m. I usually put Cruz to bed around 2:30 - 4 p.m. I rocked him a little longer today. We cuddled too and I rubbed his back. I am truly blessed with this little boy. He amazes me every day. It's hard to know that someone else will be spending time with him during the day. I know at some point I will have to let go but right now it just hurts. I've never loved something so much. All I want to do is make the right choices for him. We've done without in order to give him a great first year. I hope and pray with whatever road we take that it's the right one for him and for our family.

Cruz is 13 1/2 months old. He loves to climb! He's getting pretty good at it too. I used to hover over him to make sure that he's not going to stumble or fall. He falls a lot but rarely hurts himself. He is a natural born athlete. Anything physical he thrives at. He loves sweets. He loves all balls. He says "mama", "dada", "buba", "two" and then a lot of gibberish in between. His foot is a size 6. He is in 18 month clothes. I runs fast. He tries to outrun all of us. He loves drinking out of a straw. He can't get enough of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, cheese its, and yogurt. He loves all books but especially "I love you through and through". He's getting his 7th tooth and is waking up a lot throughout the night because of the discomfort. He brings joy to so many people and is my shining star. I love watching how much he has grown. He's so smart!